Faith Baptist Church
4258 Botetourt Road
Fincastle, Virginia 24090
The Bible’s Border patrol against alien ideas and needs...
Do you think marriage has to be difficult? Have barriers been built up and fortified with in each of you; only because you don’t know how to express what you’re feeling or thinking?
Have words been said that you now feel can’t be taken back. Have you thrown up your hands and said our chances are bleak or irreconcilable?
Let me ask you, do you truly want God’s best for your marriage, because God can make it better than ever if he is in control of your marriage state of mind.
You know, God made men and women different both emotionally and mentally. He did this to so we would compliment each other.
He did this to make us humble, to make us see and accept our limitations, and to see those limitations fulfilled in our marriage partner. This is part of God making us complete.
However, the problem lies in not knowing the differences between men and women. And often misinterpreting what we think the other is trying to convey.
James says to us in 1:19-21 “ Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, and slow to wrath; for the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God, Wherefore put away all filthiness, all uncleanness which also includes self-righteousness, what Isaiah called filthy rags, put this away and also all malice, which means our intent on inflicting hurt on another, this would include both physical, mental and emotional hurt of another person,[this includes your spouse] and instead, receive with a spirit of meekness the engrafting word of God which is able to preserve your souls.”
As I said, men and women are different, and in marriage we need to look at those differences as an opportunity to make us better and more fulfilled in life.
We must not look at the way God made us differently as a challenge to overcome, or resist. We must not look at our difference in creation as a challenge to what we are, or as an opportunity to open competition. When we do this we draw battle lines in our marriages.
Understanding each other just like understanding God through his word. Understanding each other breaks down the walls we erect; due, not to our superiority, but our insecurities.
Well adjusted people are secure in who they are, and well adjusted believers in Jesus Christ are those who do not sense a competitive spirit against God or their spouse.
We do not have to agree on everything, but we do have to agree that we are made in the image of God, to fulfill his purposes for our marriages.
Most men know more about their cars than they do about their wives, and most wives know more about their friends than they do about their husbands.
Do we convey our expectations to our spouses effectively, or do we men become grumpy old bears, and do women become bitter with resentment?
For sure we will face problems and it is God’s intent that we work our problems out together utilizing his viewpoint found in the word of God.
Sometimes the knots we have in our relationships can be untied through listening patiently not just to the other person’s reaction or responses, but by listening to ourselves, and evaluating our thinking in light of God’s word.
Men and women please do not match the way your think about your spouse the way the world thinks.
The world has many views and has no right to dictate or form your thinking about an institution God made. Men did not invent marriage, God did.
Being on the same page with God, means being in agreement with what his holy word says.
When we are not sure what the other person is thinking.
How much of a hurry do husbands and wives get into to meet the wishes of their spouse?
Many wives and husbands will wring up all the energy they have to satisfy their bosses or friends and children, but when it comes to each other, often times neither one gives little effort to their spouse.
Why is this so common?
This happens often in a relationship. When we want to convey what we want, but we do not want to come out and say it, perhaps we are afraid our wants or interests will get shot down, or we assume the other person knows what we are thinking. Is it insecurity?
We do not need to make our personal insecurities the other person’s fault, but we do.
Learn to observe your spouse.
Know your spouse. If you know their temperament, and their routine, then you can anticipate what to expect of them. The key is to be alert to their needs. Some of you may say, wait a minute, “I’ve got a life of my own, and I am thinking about what I am doing, not what they are doing.” And yet this person you married is the most important part of your earthly life, not your job, not your children, nor your personal interest. He or she comes above all else.
When you got married you became one in God’s sight, Gen.2:24, and what one does affects the other in some way, so do not ignore the importance of meeting the needs of your spouse for in helping to meet their needs you actually help yourself. If you want to be happy you cannot ignore your spouse.
Eph.5:25 “Husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it,”
Eph.5:28 “So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.”
This love which Paul speaks of (husbands) is described as virtue (agape) love which is a caring love, an unconditional Christ type of love which emanates from within your heart. It is not personal (phileo love) which is focused on the object of your love (your wife). This love is not based on the object of your affection, but on the husband’s character. It is a giving love, not a taking love. The object of your affection, your wife, will change over the years; she can change her feelings in a moment, with no notice. She is different. She is not weak. You depend on her for support. You like nothing more than for her to make a big deal out of your accomplishments, and who you are as a man. The respect she gives you makes you feel like a man. And she likes nothing more than to have your respect and to do this she may simply want your attention when she talks to you.
She will probably get more satisfaction out of you showing her that respect than all of the horn blowing you may do in bringing attention to her accomplishments.
Nothing makes a husband or a wife feel less as a man or a woman than to be disrespected. If no one where you work, or in society shows you respect, the last place on earth you should get the same treatment is in your own home.
To be disrespectful to your husband or to your wife is to be disrespectful to God.
The Bible goes so far as to say in I Peter 3:7 that if a husband has wronged his wife, God will not hear his prayers. And why you ask, because the husband is out of fellowship with the Lord, and he will not receive forgiveness of his sins until he confesses his offense against his wife first.
As believers in the Lord Jesus Christ we must evaluate how much of the philosophy of the world has infiltrated our thinking. We must rid ourselves through spiritual growth of the things that undermine God’s principles for a happy marriage.
God intends for our love to grow to maturity whereby both marriage partners reap the benefits, the fruits of God’s righteousness designed for marriage.
Remember, God pictures the marriage relationship as his picture of heaven, where two people will do anything within their power to honor God by bringing joy to the other party.
In the beginning...
When you first met, what did you see in the other person that sparked feelings of interest and romance? What did you see that kept you day dreaming? What was it that captivated your soul about her or him? It was something different I imagine; something different than you saw in yourself? Well, good, you should see something different than you see in yourself. It would be weird to want to marry someone just like yourself. Yet in our futile selfish attempts we try to make the other person see everything the way we see things, and we try to make the other person feel the same feelings we feel. This cannot happen because we are two totally different people, and yet we still love one another, at least for now.
Knowing you are supposed to love and cherish one another is not the same as experiencing that love. Knowledge has to be applied, and this is where we hit some bumps along the way.
Paul tells us in Eph.5:28, 33 that the husband is to love his wife as he loves himself. That is, the husband shows her respect and kindness as he expects. He shows this love by providing what he can for her comfort, just as he would try to make himself comfortable. He does not injure himself, nor ridicule himself, he does not put himself down, nor take his desires lightly. The good husband will feel the same way about his wife.
He wants to be heard, so he should understand she wants to be heard as well.
How Can We Fix The Problem In Christian Marriages?
If a man has very low self-esteem he will foster that same mindset into his marriage.
However, to combat this low self esteem the man needs to be in a local church where in-depth Bible doctrine is taught. It is amazing at how Bible doctrine will build a proper balanced estimation of oneself, man or woman. Bible doctrine will put a fire in your belly. Bible doctrine will put spiritual hair on your chest.
It will make a man out of a boy. It will instill courage toward all forms of opposition to what is divinely good and proper.
Bible doctrine is divine viewpoint, I Cor.2:15-16. Bible doctrine is the only thing that will teach a man or a woman how to love with virtue, not selfishness. Bible doctrine is the missing element in Christian homes today. Too many believers are too busy for the Lord in their churches and communities.
Too many activities are simply human good, and too many relationships and homes are on the brink of falling apart while being occupied by God’s children who have become so busy for God that they have not allowed God to either heal or direct their marriages.
I think we all forget that the Word of God is alive, Heb.4:12. It quickens our spirit. It energizes us when we are down and feel defeated by the many issues of life. It is so sad to think some pastors and some churches think the word of God is dead so they go to inferior forms of inspiration.
The bottom line is that marriages need the living word of God
Some think going off to a seminar will do the trick, but building our relationship with the Lord is a lifetime enterprise and this requires weekly biblical messages to give us a balanced approach to life, especially our own Christ like development.
Christ like development ensures guaranteed success in marriage. Christ likeness is the opposite of selfishness.
If your marriage partner gives up on the Christ like life this does not mean you must do the same. Each one of you will give an account of your life to the Lord, and neither one of you will have the other to blame if you fail the grace of God for your life. God can sustain a single parent, or a lonely husband or wife who continues to try to make their marriage work.
Do you remember the old song, “It not my mother, nor by brother, but it’s me oh Lord, standing in the need of prayer.” It can just as well be sung, “It’s not my husband, or my children but it’s me oh Lord, standing in the need of prayer.” Or “It’s not my wife or my children, but it’s me oh Lord, standing in the need of prayer.”
We have to ask ourselves, do we want to be the believer God wants us to be?
Well, there is no better training ground than in the home.